


Dodgeballs and Magic should not mix

by OleanderSage



Series: The Jones Siblings and their Muggle-born shenanigans [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Gambling, M/M, Muggle-born Culture, Muggle-born in Slytherin, dodgeball - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:54:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26507809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OleanderSage/pseuds/OleanderSage
Summary: Oleander "Mikun" Jones has taken upon himself to teach his fellow wizards the ancient and time honored sport of dodgeball, though his motivations as to why he does may be a bit on the shady side.
Relationships: Angelina Johnson/Fred Weasley, Cedric Diggory/Harry Potter, George Weasley/Oliver Wood, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley
Series: The Jones Siblings and their Muggle-born shenanigans [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1927234
Kudos: 9





	1. Secrets and Biscuits

**Author's Note:**

> Just a fun little fic I got inspired to do while rewatching Potter Puppet Pals

Mikun let out a long sigh, he looked out at the low walled arena where he held the bare-knuckle House Elf boxing matches, the turn out was poorer than last time, the few centaurs around looked bored, and the goblins could be heard muttering about getting a refund.

"Dobby, what's the damage to our funds from today?" Mikun asked the House elf, Dobby used the abacus in his hands to make some quick calculations.

"Not good Mr. Mikun, we are losing money on the matches. Perhaps if we let Winky fight again."

"Oh, hell to the no on that Dobby, no one wants to fight her after she nearly killed Jo-Jo, he's still recovering."

"But she did draw the crowd in, Mr.Mikun." 

"Yeah, she did. We made so much money that night, but she's too much of a berserker to be a regular fighter. Where are we on that Unicorn racing?"

"They unionized, sir." 

"Damn those sparkly diva horses, I should have known better than to try and reason with them. What are their demands?" Dobby put away his abacus and grabbed a clipboard from the desk that Mikun had brought into the Forbidden Forest, Dobby flipped through some papers coming to the one he was looking for.

"They want one hundred bails of high quality alfalfa, two crates of pure cane sugar cubes, and three bushels of honeycrisp apples, fresh from the tree." 

"What?! Those demands are outrages, this is why you never negotiate with horses that wear that much mascara. I am not shelling out the galleons for their demands." Mikun looked at the dwindling crowd by the arena, he let out a growl of annoyance the Unicorn Racing circuit would had been a goldmine, but those damn hoofed bastards had gone and screwed him over by unionizing, normally he was all for unions but not when they were used against him.

"Perhaps we can ask the centaurs if they would do the races." Dobby suggested, but Mikun waved it away.

"No, I like your enthusiasm but I prefer not to be stomped to death by indignant centaurs. I'll think of something Dobby, I always do. Let's wrap this sad party up then head back to the castle." The two of them closed the betting booth and arena after Hink won his match against Greg, Mikun took hold of Dobby's hand and the House Elf apparated him back into his dorm room. 

"Good night, Mr. Mikun, I am certain that you will have a brilliant idea to make a lot of galleons." 

"Thanks Dobby, you have a good night as well." With that Dobby apparated out of the dorm room, leaving Mikun to lay on his bed racking his brain for an idea.

\----

"You look awful Jones, which is an improvement really." Draco sneered at the brunette boy, Mikun grabbed a handful of Draco's hair twisting it making the platinum blond Slytherin cry out in pain, Mikun leaned close to Draco and spoke in a lethal tone. 

"I am not in the mood to deal with you today, so you have two options: Be a good boy and keep your mouth shut for the rest of the day, or I tell the entire Slytherin student body about your little secret." 

"You don't know shit about me, you mudblo..." Mikun yanked hard on Draco's hair making him cry out, tears welling up in the blond boy's eyes. 

"Silk panties." Draco froze, his heart dropping into his stomach.

"How?"

"I know everyone's secrets, Draco, I have eyes and ears everywhere. So option A? or Option B? I'm sure Pansy would just love to talk about your silky drawers"

"Option A." Draco muttered, Mikun shoved the other Slytherin boy away as he headed to the Great Hall for breakfast, he entered making a beeline for the large platter of buttermilk biscuits and white gravy; bless Dobby and the other House elves they made his favorite breakfast food to cheer him up. 

"Hey, Jones." 

"WHAT!?" Mikun rounded on whoever dared interrupt his breakfast, George Weasley held his hands up in surrender.

"Woah, sorry. You okay?" 

"Sorry, Weasley, I had a rough night. What did you need?" 

"Fred and I were wondering if you are opening your shop today, Fred needs to get something special for his and Angelina's two month anniversary, and you always have good stuff in stock." Mikun took a bite of his delicious meal, savoring the fluffy biscuit and creamy gravy. 

"Well my schedule is pretty full, I have a 10 am moping that I just can't keep rescheduling." 

"Come on, Mikun, pretty please." George put on his best flirty smile aiming it at the Slytherin.

"I don't think Wood would be too keen on you flirting with me, last thing I need is him coming at me with a beater bat." Mikun took another bite of his breakfast.

"Well he did say you would be on the list if we ever wanted a threesome." George had to hit Mikun on the back as the brunette choked on the biscuit. 

"I'll put a pin in that for later, I'll have the shop open in the usual spot, the password can be found in Chapter 6 of _Hogwarts: A history._ Now off with you, you redheaded temptress, let me enjoy my food in peace."

Mikun began choking again after George laid a kiss on his cheek, Emily poured him a glass of milk giving it to him. 

\----

"He said Chapter 6 right? Cause there is nothing here." Dean shoved the book towards Fred who looked all over the page trying to see if there was anything that stood out, but he got nothing, Fred passed it to George who had no luck finding anything.

"Why did he change his password system anyway?" Seamus asked the other boys. 

"Because of Neville." Fred looked at the nervous boy.

"It's not my fault that Professor McGonagall is terrifying, she gave me one look and I caved."

"Maybe he sent us on a wild goose chase, it wouldn't be the first time; remember that whole Snipe Hunt thing." Dean reminded his fellow Gryffindors. 

The boys heard someone humming a rhythmless tune, and Luna came around a bookshelf to where they were sitting. "Hello boys, are you perhaps here to learn the password for the shop?" She looked at each of them with her usual dreamy look,

"Hi, Luna. How are you?" Neville had a blush while he talked to Luna. 

"I will be doing better once I can get some more of that cactus juice from Oleander, the Thestrals really like it." 

"Don't hold your breath, there's no password in here." Seamus slid the book in front of Luna, it was open to Chapter 6. 

"Did you use the password revealing spell?" She asked the boys who all looked at one another.

"The wot?" Dean asked. 

"We learned about it last week in Charms, you can leave secret messages and reveal them to those who know the spell and location of the message." She took her wand out tapping the page three times, then tapping the tip of her nose, then the pages, then tapping her forehead once before casting the spell. " _Aparecium._ " 

The words on the page began to swirl and disappear leaving it blank. "Was the whole tapping thing necessary?" Fred asked the Ravenclaw, Luna tipped her head slightly to the side, a dreamy smile on her face.

"No, but it did keep the Nargles away. Oh look the password." Luna pointed to the blank page as words rose up from the white like a mountain rising from the sea.

"You gotta be kidding me, that's the password?!" Dean looked at his Gryffindors for backup on his claim.

"Well that's one way keep the shop secret and safe, well let's go." Fred got up and headed for the Room of Requirement, the others followed the redheaded beater, Luna tapped the book twice causing the password to sink back into the page before it returned to its original text.


	2. Welcome to the Shop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermione has some words for Mikun in regards to his password

"Well go ahead, Neville say the password." Seamus pushed Neville forward to the door that lead to the Room of Requirement.

"Me? Why? You do it Dean." Dean was suddenly busy with his shoelaces. 

"Right it's up to us then, go ahead George."

"Oh no, you say it then fearless leader." George pushed his twin to stand in front of the door, the door was black with a carved motif of a skull with a blood red moon above it, as Fred stood before the door it spoke.

" _Password?"_

"You-know-who's nipples" 

" _Incorrect"_

"What are you all doing?" Hermione looked at the gathered boys with suspicion, Harry and Ron greeted their fellow Gryffindors.

"Nothing, nothing at all. Is it a crime to be gathered together? Your girlfriend is so suspicious of everything, dearest little brother." George said with a mock posh accent, Ron shot a glare at his older brother.

"With good reason if you two are involved, and what's with that door?" Ron pointed at the black door, Hermione put on her best McGonagall look which made Neville look away.

"Is Jones behind that door? Professor McGonagall closed his shop down because he was selling dangerous Muggle items, I swear he is so irresponsible I'm getting Professor McGonagall." Hermione turned around ready to make good on her threat when Neville spoke up.

"Luna says he has a disclaimer clause that says he is not responsible for misuse of any items bought at his shop, so those Lawn Darts that Crabbe and Goyle bought fall under this clause; please don't tell Professor McGonagall, Hermione." 

"Wow, Neville standing up for us, way to go mate." Seamus patted Neville on the back, Hermione let out a sigh she turned to face the Gryffindor boys.

"Come one 'Mione, I need a gift for Angelina our two month anniversary is coming up and Mikun has the best items around." Fred pleaded giving her his best innocent eyes.

"I don't know, Professor McGonagall shut it down for good reason, besides Muggle items are not allowed to be at Hogwarts." 

"That is incorrect, according to the list outside Filch's office, none of the items that Mikun sells are banned." George piped up with an innocent grin.

"Harry check out the window to see if Malfoy is dancing in a pink tutu, because apparently Hermione was just corrected on a rule." Ron got a glare from his girlfriend while Harry fought to hide a laugh. 

"Hello Harry, Ron, Hermione. Are you here to see the shop?" Luna skipped into view of the Gryffindors, she played with her butterbeer cork necklace. "Oleander just got the new series in that romance novel you were reading the other day."

Hermione blushed a little, she smacked Ron on the arm when he snickered. "Well I guess we should see what wares he got in, but if I see any dangerous items I am telling Professor McGonagall right away. So how do we get in?"

"Well we have some issues with the password, namely no one here wants to say it outloud." Seamus rubbed the back of his head.

"Harry can say it." Neville spoke up again.

"That's right, Harry has no issue saying You-Know-Who's name out loud. Neville you are on a roll today." Seamus praised the shy boy. 

"The password is You-Know-Who's name? That's rather Slytherin of Jones." Ron said with a frown, he was on the fence with the Slytherin boy, on one hand he was a fun and chaotic guy who made Malfoy and his goons' life miserable on that Ron approved greatly, but on the other hand he was a Slytherin. 

"What's rather Slytherin of me?" Sophia asked the redheaded boy, she looked around at the Gryffindors gathered together, were they having a meeting?

"I think they were talking about your brother, you know cause he's an actual Slytherin." Cho spoke up from besides her fellow Ravenclaw.

"Your brother set the password to his shop as You-Know-Who's name." Ron said but Fred interjected before Sophia could reply.

"Not exactly, it has You-Know-Who's name in it, but it's not just the name."

"So what's the password?" Sophia asked one of the twins.

"Harry if you would please read this out loud." George handed Harry a scrap of paper with the password then lead him to stand before the door which spoke out in a dry, raspy whisper. 

_"Password?"_

"Voldemort's Nipples." 

"WHAT!?!" Hermione and Sophia shouted at the same time.

 _"Correct, Welcome to the Twin Moon Shop, honored customer."_ The door swung open allowing the Hogwarts students access.

"Oh I am going to have a word with that idiot brother of mine." Sophia grumbled as she entered the doorway.

"I call next, honestly such a vulgar thing as a password cannot stand." Hermione huffed as she followed the others into the Room of Requirements. 

"Woah, Jones outdid himself this time, this place looks amazing." Ron was gobsmacked but the sight of muggle items that lined the shelves and counters.

"I have to admit, my brother sure knows how to make an impression, oh he has Hershey Peppermint kisses."

"Only 3 Knuts for a bag, dearest sister." Mikun popped up from behind the counter with an old fashioned cash register, a big grin on his face. "Welcome to the Twin Moon Shop, what are y'all buying?"

"I'm here to make sure that you are not selling anything you are not supposed to." Hermione fixed the Slytherin with a cool look, Mikun's smile never waivered.

"The romance novels are back there by the posters, I have a special on them right now, buy two get a free movie poster." Hermione tried to be nonchalant as she wandered to the section that Mikun pointed to. 

"Oleander did you get the cactus juice?" Luna asked, while looking at the various stuffed animals of strange creatures. 

"It took awhile but I got it." Mikun placed a gallon jug of pale green liquid on the counter. "That will be 5 Sickles Ms. Lovegood." 

"Oh the Thestrals will be so happy." Luna paid for her items before heading off while humming a tuneless song. 

"I need an anniversary gift, it's been at least two months; any recommendations?" Fred asked the Slytherin.

"Well Angelina is a fan of that wizard band, Weird Sister, and I happen to have an LP of them, signed by all eight band members."

"How do you know what my girlfriend like, Jones?" Fred asked the brunette with a very serious tone, Mikun booped Fred on the nose.

"I know what everyone likes, I have eyes and ears everywhere, Freddie; that's how I keep this shop stocked so well." Fred accepted that answer, he looked at the LP then at the price.

"Fifty Galleons? That's highway robbery!"

"Hey this is a rare item, others will go for 200 Galleons, I'm practically giving this away at fifty." Fred tried haggling with Mikun but the brunette would not bend so easy.

"Hey, Jones what's this?" Ron held up a large red rubber ball. "Some weird Quaffle?" 

"That's a dodgeball, it's used in a game in muggle school called dodgeball, the point is to throw it at one another, if you get hit you're out of the game, if you catch it then the one who threw it is out, the last team standing wins." 

"So it's like quidditch but with bludgers the size of quaffles. It would be fun hitting Malfoy with this." Ron tossed the ball up and caught it, the red ball making a hollow sound as he did. "Sounds like this thing would hurt." 

"Yeah I would pay good coin to see that inbreed ferret get nailed in the face." Mikun said causing the boys to laugh, suddenly and idea formed in his head.

"Oh no, I know that look. Oleander what scheme are you cooking up now?" Sophia put her hands on her hips, fixing her older brother with her mom look. 

"I would never scheme, dearest sister, I make investment plans. Say Fredward, how would you like to earn that LP?" 

\----

"What is dodgeball?" Cedric asked reading the flyer posted up on in the Hufflepuff common room, Justin signed his name up on the space below.

"It's a muggle school game, you throw these big red balls at the other team and try to get them out, the last team standing win. But I wonder why it's being held in a clearing in the Forbidden Forest?" 

"It says that Dumbledore approved it, each team is made up of five people, there will be a tournament and the winners get...holy shit, the winners gets a three hundred galleon gift certificate for Jones' shop." Hannah grabbed the quill from Justin to sign up, she had her eye on a pair of Prada shoes that the Slytherin boy had in his shop. 

"You signing up, Diggory? There's one spot left and three hundred galleons gets you a lot from the shop, I have my eyes on this leather jacket." Justin offered the quill to Cedric, he took it and signed his name up, the game sounded rather fun, and with three hundred galleons he could spoil Harry. 

"So you're going to play in this game to get an LP?" George asked his twin who name was so far the only one on the flyer. 

"It's more than an LP, it's three hundred galleons that can be used in Mikun's shop, and he does have some interesting items in regards to pranking." 

"So you get the LP and the galleons if you win?" 

"Yup, but I need four more people, so want to sign up?"

"Nah, this doesn't sound like my type of game. But looks like you got your first teammate." George pointed to the flyer where Hermione was signing her name beneath Fred's.

"I didn't peg you for the competitive type, Hermione." 

"Well Mikun does have several rare textbooks and with the prize I could get them all, also I want to send Mrs.Weasley a gift as a thank you for having us over so many time during the holidays and there was a beautiful Hermès scarf that she will like." 

"Great now we just need three more people. Ron? Harry?"

"I've had enough of dodgeball in middle school." Harry said with a deadpan tone, he returned to his astrology homework. 

"I'll give it a shot, that three hundred galleons is too good to pass up, and Hermione has a point; mum makes us sweaters every year so it's about time we got her something." Ron wrote his name on the flyer. 

"Three down, two to go, anyone else up for this?" Fred asked the others in the common room, Ginny grabbed the quill from her older brother signing up.

"Come on George, the Weasleys will clean up this tournament."

"Except I'm not a Weasley, Ginny." Hermione said matter of factly, Ginny just smiled at her.

"Only a matter of time." Ginny said with a sing song tone, Neville puff his chest out and strode to the flyer signing up under Ginny's name. 

"Good man, Neville. The Gryffindor team now has a full team, Mikun has a practice field set up at the quidditch pitch so let's head on down there, we can also scout out the other teams." Fred lead his team out the common room, Harry followed them curious as to who else signed up for this game; he could finish predicting his death later.

\----

"Sir, do you really think this is a good idea? Letting the students participate in such muggle things?" Severus tone was one of disgust at the very idea of a muggle game being played at Hogwarts.

"I think it will be god for the students to engage in this activity that Mr. Jones has so graciously decided to host for us, he is even providing a reward for the winning team." Albus said looking over some paperwork.

"But Albus I shut down his shop after the incident with two Slytherin students and the muggle weapon. Why are you allowing him to continue to operate it?" Minerva asked the older man.

"I believe Mr. Jones has a disclaimer clause that states he is not responsible for any misuse of items bought in his shop, and he explained to me that the muggle weapon as you call it was in fact a game set, Lawn Darts, I believe they are called, and he has agreed to run any items by me before they are sold in his shop." 

"Why is he suddenly hosting this dodgeball tournament? That boy is up to something, he always is." Severus seethed at mentioning his least favorite student.

"He is also wanting it to be played in the Forbidden Forest."MInerva added.

"Not in the Forbidden Forest itself, but a clearing near the entrance close to Hagrid's hut." Albus looked over the plans that Mikun had sent to him. 

"Does that not raise questions at all Albus? We could easily use the quidditch pitch for this game of his, why the forest?"

"Because the centaurs want to observe this game is why." The three teachers turned to the Mikun who entered the Headmaster's office. "I came by to drop off the team rosters, all four houses have decided to join in this tournament." Mikun dropped the papers off on Dumbledore's desk and was about to head out when Snape stopped him. 

"A moment, Mr. Jones, explain yourself."

"What is there to explain, Professor? I mentioned this in passing to Flint, who grew curious and offered a clearing for us to play in, they will even provide a referee to keep everything fair between the houses. I believe that this tournament will be good at building understanding and fostering friendships between young wizards and our centaur friends." 

Snape just gave Mikun a look of distrust but said nothing. 

"Well if it's all the same to you Mr. Jones, I will be there as well to ensure that things do not get out of hand." 

"I wouldn't have it any other way, Professor McGonagall, and you Professor Snape? Will you be joining us for the tournament?" Mikun asked the potion professor with false innocences. 

"I have better things to do than attend such frivolities." 

"Well, then. I will see you at the tournament this Saturday, Professor McGonagall." With that Mikun headed out of the Headmaster's office, he descended the stairs and slipped into a hidden alcove. "Dobby." Mikun called the House Elf's name causing him to appear with a crack.

"Hello, Mr. Mikun. How can Dobby be of help?"

"Let's go check on how our dodgeball field is coming along shall we?" Mikun took the elf's hand and with a crack they apparated outside the castle and into the forest clearing where several centaurs were moving objects and laying sections of wood flooring to create a play space.

"This might be your best idea yet, Mikun, my herd is very eager to see these young wizards hit each other with these strange muggle toys." Flint gestured to the box filled with red dodgeballs. 

"And the goblins will bet heavily on the matches, which means we both win, I get to make up lost profits, and you and your herd will be stocked with lots of food and supplies from your cut, now how we doing on this arena?" 

Flint gave Mikun a tour.


End file.
